I'm So Not Ready for Kids
Last evening, I went home looking forward for some time alone with myself. I knew my mum would be helping my aunt babysit my cousins during the initiation of the new maid (since the last maid was fired for being a lesbian.) All I need is my bed, a book and a stack of research papers, music and my trusty doggy to cuddle.
To my great despair, I was greeted by my two hyperactive cousins because my smart-aleck mum decided to bring them home during the school holidays. Whoopie! My hopes of any time-alone vanished in a quick puff of smoke as my cousins shrieked in unison at my entrance. If any of you were my previous readers at tabulas, you would realize what a pain in the ass those two can be. I mean, yes, they can be so adorable. But imagine being flummoxed by 234987123987432 "WHY?" questions. I swore it was so annoying I almost wanted to crawl out of my 2nd-storey window and escape.
So. It all started with them mucking around with technology in the study room. Esther, the elder sister, obviously hawked the most efficient laptop while younger Rachel is bullied into sufficing with a rickety desktop. As I was playing the piano down to calm my nerves, Rachel shrieked "JIEJIE!!! CAN YOU PLEASE COME OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Taking a deep breath..
Me: Yes, Rachel.
Rachel: This computer cannot play my game.
Me: Let me see. Ah, Java Applet is not installed.
Rachel: What is java applet?
Me: Its the baby of an Apple.
Rachel: *Shriek!* Baby!!
Me: Yah, apples have babies and they are called applets.
Rachel: *Shriek!* No!! You're lying!!
Me: Yes, I am. You're so clever.
Rachel: Why you never install?
Me: Computer lousy mah
Rachel: Why lousy?
Me: No money buy new one mah
Rachel: Why no money?
Me: You don't give me money mah
Rachel: *SHRIEK!* Why you don't take money from your mother?
.. and here we go, to the never-ending vortex of questions. It never will cease until perhaps, a decade later. Fearing for my sanity, I excused myself to the loo. I emerged only to be ambushed by Esther who launched into a full-force complaint regarding how her Neopets account had been hacked. I had previously been bullied and nagged into handing over my Neopets account, where I would have you know that it contained millions worth of Neopoints (which is probably squandered by her by now). Because of that achievement, I was somewhat looked upon as a Neopet Goddess to my fellow young cousins with malleable minds.
In her quest to become a Neopet Multi-Millionairess, she decided to engage my help in playing Neopet Games. Thus, I sat there subduedly for an hour, playing spelling and memory games and winning 5K worth of Neopoints, with Esther shrieking excitedly as la la dui.
Finally, I retreated to my room. Mister Toto, as if emphatizing, followed and hopped on the bed as I started on my reading. Rachel decided to sneak it as well. Further, she decided to take the liberty of hopping on my bed. Now, I am very partial towards animals. My dog can trot all day in the garden and I would still welcome him on my bed. However, I am VERY ANAL regarding human feet on my bed. VERY.
Me: Could you please come down from my bed, Rachel?
Rachel: Why?
Me: Because this is my bed and I don't like people stepping on them.
Rachel: Why? (Still hopping around)
Me: Because I don't like.
Rachel: Why? (Hopping as gleefully as ever)
Me: I JUST DON'T LIKE IT. COME DOWN, PLEASE.
Rachel: How come?
WTF?! What is wrong with children nowadays?! Don't they listen to instructions anymore?! I mean, yes, children should be brought up to question but this is beyond my mental limits! I only had to endure them for 3 miserly hours and I was almost at the end of rope. I am seriously not ready for kids.
Wait. Oh, and I think I am partially deaf for the day due to endless shrieking.
To my great despair, I was greeted by my two hyperactive cousins because my smart-aleck mum decided to bring them home during the school holidays. Whoopie! My hopes of any time-alone vanished in a quick puff of smoke as my cousins shrieked in unison at my entrance. If any of you were my previous readers at tabulas, you would realize what a pain in the ass those two can be. I mean, yes, they can be so adorable. But imagine being flummoxed by 234987123987432 "WHY?" questions. I swore it was so annoying I almost wanted to crawl out of my 2nd-storey window and escape.
So. It all started with them mucking around with technology in the study room. Esther, the elder sister, obviously hawked the most efficient laptop while younger Rachel is bullied into sufficing with a rickety desktop. As I was playing the piano down to calm my nerves, Rachel shrieked "JIEJIE!!! CAN YOU PLEASE COME OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Taking a deep breath..
Me: Yes, Rachel.
Rachel: This computer cannot play my game.
Me: Let me see. Ah, Java Applet is not installed.
Rachel: What is java applet?
Me: Its the baby of an Apple.
Rachel: *Shriek!* Baby!!
Me: Yah, apples have babies and they are called applets.
Rachel: *Shriek!* No!! You're lying!!
Me: Yes, I am. You're so clever.
Rachel: Why you never install?
Me: Computer lousy mah
Rachel: Why lousy?
Me: No money buy new one mah
Rachel: Why no money?
Me: You don't give me money mah
Rachel: *SHRIEK!* Why you don't take money from your mother?
.. and here we go, to the never-ending vortex of questions. It never will cease until perhaps, a decade later. Fearing for my sanity, I excused myself to the loo. I emerged only to be ambushed by Esther who launched into a full-force complaint regarding how her Neopets account had been hacked. I had previously been bullied and nagged into handing over my Neopets account, where I would have you know that it contained millions worth of Neopoints (which is probably squandered by her by now). Because of that achievement, I was somewhat looked upon as a Neopet Goddess to my fellow young cousins with malleable minds.
In her quest to become a Neopet Multi-Millionairess, she decided to engage my help in playing Neopet Games. Thus, I sat there subduedly for an hour, playing spelling and memory games and winning 5K worth of Neopoints, with Esther shrieking excitedly as la la dui.
Finally, I retreated to my room. Mister Toto, as if emphatizing, followed and hopped on the bed as I started on my reading. Rachel decided to sneak it as well. Further, she decided to take the liberty of hopping on my bed. Now, I am very partial towards animals. My dog can trot all day in the garden and I would still welcome him on my bed. However, I am VERY ANAL regarding human feet on my bed. VERY.
Me: Could you please come down from my bed, Rachel?
Rachel: Why?
Me: Because this is my bed and I don't like people stepping on them.
Rachel: Why? (Still hopping around)
Me: Because I don't like.
Rachel: Why? (Hopping as gleefully as ever)
Me: I JUST DON'T LIKE IT. COME DOWN, PLEASE.
Rachel: How come?
WTF?! What is wrong with children nowadays?! Don't they listen to instructions anymore?! I mean, yes, children should be brought up to question but this is beyond my mental limits! I only had to endure them for 3 miserly hours and I was almost at the end of rope. I am seriously not ready for kids.
Wait. Oh, and I think I am partially deaf for the day due to endless shrieking.
posted by jellybeano at 11:40 AM
1 Comments:
Haha... I read your tabulas entry and got a good.. err.. laugh. (Ok lah, your posts are suppose to be for de-stressing anyway.)
Anyway, I think all you need to do is master the skill of 'not answering kids' questions' and 'shifting questions back at kids' until they end up having to answer their own questions. I used to really hate (annoying) kids until I get the kick of giving them their own medicine - and leaving them confused as I take the time to have 30 minutes of peace while they stand dumbfounded and staring into empty space.
In that way, kids can be a source of cheapo entertainment, if you're into confusing people. Well, at least it takes out the frustration that you're having right now right?
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