读华文

Obviously not learning from my previous trauma whereby I tried to display my chinese sms-ing skills but was instead stuck with a very alien-looking menu, I stupidly attempted to sms in chinese again last night.

After sending the text message which comprised of a grand total of ONE chinese character, I realized I did not know how to switch my bloody handphone back to the familiar english mode. So there was I, the hugest idiot in the world, half-asleep in my semi-blindness, struggling to comprehend all the chinese characters I have already forgotten. Fortunately, I recognized the image depicting the "Settings" mode and had to randomly scroll through all the selections till I saw the word "English". That took 15 minutes off my beloved bedtime. GRR.

Anyway, I additionally realized Chinese is quite a cultured language. My friend and I were brainstorming for the worst possible Chinese cuss words to hurl and we came up with nought. I mean we have the F-word for English. What about chinese cuss words? Initially, I thought of very mediocre ones:

"你老妈!"
"他妈的!"

I conclude Chinese prefer insulting mothers for some reason. Probably mums are closer to the heart, and therefore, the insult cuts deeper.

"王八蛋!"
"臭鸡蛋"
"滚蛋"

Ah, an indication of aversion towards eggs, no? Could be due to avian flu.

Anyway, my neighbor was free enough sufficiently to actually google-d a whole list of Chinese cuss words. Among one of the first suggested cuss words is:

"我希望你慢慢死，但快点下地狱。"

What the fish is this? A cuss word should be short and sweet, so it can be spat out effectively in anger. By the time you finished cussing the above, I think the initial target of your anger would have already left the scene lah. Ridiculous.